


Wholly Stupid Discord Group Chat

by randomkilljoy



Category: Unwind Dystology - Neal Shusterman
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Discord Au, Gen, Group Chat Fic, Quarantine, This Is STUPID, again projecting, also they have stupid usernames, but idc, but the reference in the title tho, don't even ask, group chat au, i might add conrisa in the future, i projected onto all of them in some way, idk im four chapters in, idk it's a shitty fic, in a pandemic, lev is innocent as he was at the beginning of the series, lowkey miracolev because yes, miracolina is basically me at age twelve, miracolina is twelve but shes cool, most of this was written while sleep deprived, not that anyone's gonna see this, oops gotta add covid-19 tag, risa threatens connor a lot, the unwind fandom is tiny, they're just middle/high schoolers, very very canon divergent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24797683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomkilljoy/pseuds/randomkilljoy
Summary: whollies (and cam too ig) in a discord group chat during the coronavirus pandemic. the most canon-divergent thing you'll ever read because well. high school au. except miracolina and lev are in middle school. more characters will be added gradually rn there's only five of them
Relationships: Connor Lassiter & Hayden Upchurch, Connor Lassiter & Lev Calder, Connor Lassiter & Miracolina Roselli, Connor Lassiter & Risa Ward, Connor Lassiter & Risa Ward & Lev Calder, Connor Lassiter & Risa Ward & Lev Calder & Hayden Upchurch & MIracolina Roselli, Hayden Upchurch & Connor Lassiter & Risa Ward, Hayden Upchurch & Lev Calder, Miracolina Roselli & Hayden Upchurch, Miracolina Roselli & Hayden Upchurch & Risa Ward, Miracolina Roselli & Lev Calder, Miracolina Roselli & Risa Ward, Risa Ward & Hayden Upchurch, Risa Ward & Lev Calder
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	1. lev sweaty your keysmash game is weak. step it up.

Welcome to the beginning of  **dumb fucks** group.

\----------------May 4, 2020----------------

**nutpea** 5:01 AM

yo

**tax fraud**

connor what the fuck

it's 5am

**Lev**

I chose a stupid night to forget to silence my phone

Go to bed

**nutpea**

no

a normal sleep schedule doesn't exist in quarantine 

**tax fraud**

we still have online school dumbass

**nutpea**

and? 

**tax fraud**

and you have to fucking wake up at eight in the fucking morning for class

three hours from now

and so do i

**nutpea**

i haven't joined a class zoom call since march

**tax fraud**

you're going to fail tenth grade

**nutpea**

nah i do the homework and get good test scores 

**tax fraud**

which smart kid are you blackmailing

**nutpea**

that's between me and the kid

**Lev**

Please go to bed I'm so tired

**nutpea**

no

**tax fraud**

no 

**Lev**

I get Connor but Risa why won't you sleep

**tax fraud**

i've been up all night writing an essay on some science shit 

**Lev**

+uhff=+++===j===++h=;hh-=hi hi +j hi hg ===it +=

**nutpea**

what. 

why does it say he's still typing 

what could he possibly have to say that could top the genius of "+uhff=+++===j===++h=;hh-=hi hi +j hi hg ===it +=" 

**tax fraud**

lev sweaty your keysmash game is weak. step it up. 

**Lev**

hfjjjjjhhhjjjjjhbbhjjjhhhjbhhjbhjjgjgjgjjgjkgkgkjjhhhhhhhhhjhhhhhhhhhhhjhjjjjjjjhhjkjjjjkmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

**tax fraud**

i think he fell asleep

**nutpea**

well he's still fucking typing so what do i do

**Lev**

jjjjnnmmmmm

**tax fraud**

kick him from the damn group

**nutpea**

you do it

**tax fraud**

i can't you fucking dimwit you created the group 

**nutpea**

feisty

**tax fraud**

i can and will shatter your ribcage

**nutpea**

okok jeez

**← nutpea** removed  **Lev** from the group.

**tax fraud**

so anyway

i have a science essay to do

bye

←  **tax fraud** left the group. 

**nutpea**

love you too 💕💖💓💞💖💝💗💞💕💓💘


	2. the magic word is i have knives and your address

\----------------May 4th, 2020----------------

→ **nutpea** added **tax fraud** to the group. 

→ **nutpea** added **Lev** to the group. 

**nutpea** 8:03 AM

im bored as hell someone talk to me

**Lev**

I'm in a Zoom class so no

**tax fraud**

you're a little shit so no

also i'm tired as f u c k but i have three more classes today

**Lev**

That's why you're supposed to go to sleep at night 

**tax fraud**

no shut up you're baby tenth grade is harder than seventh

**Lev**

It wouldn't be that hard if you did your work during the day and not when normal people are asleep

Until their idiot friends wake them up at 5am

**tax fraud**

hey you don't get to be right connor kick him

**nutpea**

sure

**← nutpea** removed **Lev** from the group. 

**tax fraud** 8:47 AM

FUCK I FELL ASLEEP IN CLASS 

**nutpea**

dumbass

**tax fraud**

i will bite your dick off

**nutpea**

vore me daddy

← **tax fraud** left the group. 

~

 **DM: nutpea** and **tax fraud**

**tax fraud** 8:53 AM

ok can you actually let me back in the group chat-

and lev too ig

im bored as fuck

**nutpea**

what's the magic word? 

**tax fraud**

the magic word is i have knives and your address

**nutpea**

dude quit threatening me i'll let you in

~

**→ nutpea** added **tax fraud** to the group. 

→ **nutpea** added **Lev** to the group. 

**tax fraud**

thank you. 

now i will pass out and miss the rest of my classes ✌️<3

**Lev**

I don't understand you guys at all

**nutpea**

n0 0n3 und3rstands m3

xd

im going to be honest i have no idea of anything about emo culture from 2005 

**Lev**

What

**nutpea**

same


	3. I'm going to fist your dad

\----------------May 4, 2020----------------

**nutpea** 5:03 PM

this is boring im adding hayden

**→ nutpea** added  **your mom** to the group. 

**tax fraud**

hayden. your name. are you a thirteen year old boy. 

**Lev**

HEY

I TAKE OFFENSE IN THAT

**tax fraud**

no offense le- never mind

**your mom**

yes, yes i am

**tax fraud**

no actually you're twelve 

**your mom**

that i am 

**tax fraud**

so i copied your message id and took screenshots and now i'm going to report you to discord for violating tos

**your mom**

what the fuck

**nutpea**

dhdjfjgjjfkdkdk risa nO but also yES

←  **your mom** left the group. 

→  **nutpea** added  **your mom** to the group. 

**your mom**

dude risa don't actually report me

**tax fraud**

fine

**your mom**

rip my parents are fighting-

**tax fraud**

f

**nutpea**

f

**Lev**

F

**your mom**

damn my dad's being kinda aggressive

**Lev**

I'm going to fist your dad

**tax fraud**

LEV NO

**nutpea**

LEV NO

**your mom**

LEV NO

**Lev**

He deserves it though

I'm going to fist him hard

**your mom**

LEV N O

**nutpea**

LEV N O

**tax fraud**

LEV N O

**Lev**

What the heck even

**tax fraud**

lev

sweetie

honey

kiddo

sweet summer child

**Lev**

??????????? 

**tax fraud**

fist does NOT mean what you think it does

**Lev**

What does it mean then

**tax fraud**

no.

**your mom**

it means shoving your fist up someone's vagina or asshole

**← Lev** left the group. 

**tax fraud**

HAYDEN NO

**nutpea**

JFJFJFJGKFKDKFKDMM

**your mom**

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**tax fraud**

jfc


	4. Kid Discovery: Discovering the wonders of math and spelling since 2008.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's like three times longer than the others-  
> but miracolina gets introduced so

\----------------May 4, 2020----------------

**→ nutpea** added  **Lev** to the group. 

**nutpea** 6:37 PM

return to us child

**Lev**

Why am I friends with you guys

**nutpea**

because there's like one girl your age who lives near us

**Lev**

Wait there's someone my age who lives near us

**nutpea**

yes which you'd know if you went outside sometime

**Lev**

You don't go outside though

**nutpea**

that's fair hayden told me

**your mom**

yeah don't steal credit for my discovery

**tax fraud**

she's not a discovery she's a kid

**your mom**

kid discovery

**nutpea**

that sounds like some kid superhero name in a show on pbs kids

**your mom**

Kid Discovery: Discovering the wonders of math and spelling since 2020

**tax fraud**

i think kid discovery was born before 2020

**Lev**

Why are you calling her Kid Discovery doesn't she have a name

**nutpea**

i guess she does but kid discovery is cooler

**tax fraud**

anyways it would be

Kid Discovery: Discovering the wonders of math and spelling since 2008.

**nutpea**

how do you know when she was born

**tax fraud**

the wonders of math

she turned twelve four months ago

**your mom**

are you implying that she's been discovering the wonders of math and spelling since she was born

**tax fraud**

yes i am. 

**Lev**

Anyways does she have a discord

So we can add her

**tax fraud**

i don't think so but i have her phone number 

i'm gonna text her and tell her to get discord 

dhdjfkdk she asked what her username should be

im telling her kid discovery

she asked why what do i say

whAT DO I SAY

**your mom**

because hayden thinks it's cool

**tax fraud**

ydjsiwjfnfnck 

this kid is amazing 

she said "i don't give a shit what hayden thinks is cool" 

**nutpea**

mood

**your mom**

hEY

**Lev**

Just make her get discord 

**tax fraud**

ok i told her to make that her name because i also think it's cool and she said ok

**→ tax fraud** added  **Kid Discovery** to the group. 

**Kid Discovery**

why am I here? 

**tax fraud**

because 

**nutpea**

because 

**Lev**

Hi

You're around my age 

**Kid Discovery**

ok

am I the youngest still

**your mom**

yes

**Kid Discovery**

I don't know who "your mom" is but I hate their username with a passion

**tax fraud**

dhfjfkdkdk it's hayden

**Kid Discovery**

why am I not surprised

**your mom**

should i be offended or-? 

**Kid Discovery**

yes. 

**Lev**

What's your name

**← nutpea** removed  **Kid Discovery** from the group. 

**Lev**

What the heck Connor

**tax fraud**

dude what the fuck

**your mom**

did you just kill Kid Discovery 

~

**DM: nutpea** and  **Kid Discovery**

**nutpea**

DOTMT TELL HIM GOUR NAMW

**Kid Discovery**

what the hell are you trying to say

**nutpea**

DOTM SAY YOUR NAME

DONT SAY YOUR NAME IN THE GROUP CHAT

**Kid Discovery**

why

**nutpea**

because bad things will happen

**Kid Discovery**

how

**nutpea**

ok we just don't want lev to know your name because he wants to know and we want to withhold information 

**Kid Discovery**

k then

alright guess I won't tell him my name 

**nutpea**

cool 

**Kid Discovery**

also who are you 

**nutpea**

connor lassiter 

**Kid Discovery**

are you the guy who risa keeps calling a little shit

**nutpea**

i mean probably

~

→  **nutpea** added  **Kid Discovery** to the group. 

**tax fraud**

dude what did you remove her for

**nutpea**

had to make sure she wouldn't say her name 

just to fuck with lev

**Lev**

Screw you

**nutpea**

what kind of language is that

**Lev**

I'm not a child I can say screw you

Screw you screw you

**Kid Discovery**

you said he's older than me? 

**Lev**

Screw you

Actually no I'm sorry I'm sorry

**Kid Discovery**

_ sigh _

… 

you're forgiven

**Lev**

thank you

**nutpea**

i ship it

**Lev**

Ew

**Kid Discovery**

ew

**tax fraud**

where'd hayden go

what the fuck he's screaming "I SHALL AVENGE THEE, KID DISCOVERY" while running down our street covered in primary colors

**Lev**

I can hear it 

**Kid Discovery**

me too i think lmao-

**nutpea**

rip i live at the far end of the street and can't hear him

wait 

there he is

he really just flung red blue and yellow washable paint all over himself and ran

**tax fraud**

no he's got a bedsheet cape too

**Kid Discovery**

it matches the aesthetic 

blue bedsheet 

and KD in red and yellow on the back of it

**Lev**

I can hear at least three dogs barking at him 

**tax fraud**

should we tell him connor added kid discovery back

**nutpea**

nah


End file.
